What can I do about my annoying, fat and lazy twot of a work colleague?
Date Posted: February 25th, 2010 Posted Under: murder fatHi,
I work with this giant fat troll called Stephen who constantly coughs (this little girly cough that goes "crluorf"), constantly yawns (I counted 26 in one day once, and had spent 2 hours in an out-of-office meeting), sneezes real filthy wet sneezes across the desk at me and sighs all the time like the complete tit he is. He is also a monosyllabic misogynist who believes himself to be always correct. He is invariably, however, incorrect and whilst possessing some element of skill at his job, is still an utter tool half the time. He also has no idea of social etiquette and will butt in when I am answering a question someone has asked me. He stinks and has just this second opened up his giant Tupperware box jammed full of revolting smelling rolls that his Mum has made him for his lunch even though he is in his 30s. Quite how he fists so much into his face in one go I’ll never know.
Also, typically, the other day we had to get some shirts with our company logo emblazoned on them for a show we’re going to. I fitted into a medium whilst he couldn’t wedge himself into an extra large. He claims this is, "because I’ve got such a massive back and shoulders". Now, this is true but what he failed to point out also was that it didn’t fit because he also has a giant gut rammed full of lard and grease from his constant snacking and partaking of no daily exercise apart from grunting and sweating in the gents lav when he heaves out his daily stool.
What can I do? I’d like to make him just go away but don’t really want to murder the man, unless I absolutely have to.
Thanks in advance,
Jedderick.
You need a partition. You could actually demand one on health and safety grounds, saying that this imbecile Stephen is causing you high levels of stress, and that every time you see has fat face it makes you wince with tension. A partition would be by far the cheapest way for the company to alleviate the problem.
Or if they won’t play ball you could do something I saw being done in that Jervais comedy "The Office". A humourous individual built up a wall of box files to separate him from the irritating turd sitting at the desk opposite.
February 25th, 2010 at 8:59 pm
He sounds disgusting! A friend of mine hired someone like that because he felt sorry for him. However, because he was fat and lazy he was soon missing about two days a week of work and always called in with the excuse his car wouldn’t start. (He lived two blocks from work!) When my friend tried to fire him, he was accused of discrimination against the obese. As if obesity were an illness and not a failure to care for oneself properly!
There’s probably nothing you can do. The fat and lazy are a vast majority in America.
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February 25th, 2010 at 9:14 pm
You need a partition. You could actually demand one on health and safety grounds, saying that this imbecile Stephen is causing you high levels of stress, and that every time you see has fat face it makes you wince with tension. A partition would be by far the cheapest way for the company to alleviate the problem.
Or if they won’t play ball you could do something I saw being done in that Jervais comedy "The Office". A humourous individual built up a wall of box files to separate him from the irritating turd sitting at the desk opposite.
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February 25th, 2010 at 9:33 pm
urinate in his coffee
change his screensaver to something porn related when hes out the office
put glue on his chair
tell him hes a twat
deface his work
his his work
or just move seats if possible
whatever works best for you i suppose
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February 25th, 2010 at 10:17 pm
Hi Jedderick,
Why don’t you like me? I just want to be your friend. I would offer you a roll as a peace offering but I’ve already finished them all (I wish I had more). I thought we were friends. Now I’m sad.
Sincerely,
Stephen
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February 25th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
can’t believe I read all that! phew
you need to change your siting position, if you can’t do it yourself, ask for permission to. Where I work I can change my desk at anytime so don’t know the situation where you are. If it’s not posibble, maybe change departments.
I’d love to work with you so I can tell him to stop all those annoying stuff as he does them one by one.
Carefuly, he could be slightly, most probably, maybe, o.k, certainly retarded
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February 25th, 2010 at 10:53 pm
enjoy the time with him , by the sounds of it he wont be around for long
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